Time to take a break

At my house we take breaks..We take breaks when we brush our teeth or our hair, and for anything else we don't like to do. We break for crying, pinching, biting and hitting. We break for yelling and kicking and full out tantrums that wind up on the floor of a supermarket.  Taking a break is not supposed to be a timeout for bad  behavior. It is supposed to provide the opportunity to take a  break from an activity that may be less than preferred.

At school my son does a great job taking  breaks. At times he will even request a break via his PECS (picture exchange communication system.)  At home is doesn't always go so well. The intent is never to "punish" but to DE-escalate the behavior, and hopefully decrease his frustration in the process. Because as frustrated as we get when we cannot understand him, I can only imagine how frustrated he must feel not being able to tell us what he wants or needs.  And the frustration leads him to behave in a way that makes him look like a two year old with a case of the no's. The things that upset him don't always make sense to me, and they certainly don't make sense to those looking in from the outside.

So the next time you encounter a child who seems to be grossly misbehaving, remember, this may not be "bad" parenting or even " bad" behavior. Once upon a time I  was one of those idealistic parents who used to think "my child will never act that way". But back then I did not know about autism. So now when I see a child acting out it makes more sense to me, often I don't give it a second thought, and I certainly don't stare or make comments under my breath. But then that just seems like common human decency to me.  As difficult as it is for people to watch his sometimes loud and unruly behavior, it is even more difficult to live it. Because guess what? Autism or not all children make noise or cry in public at one time or another, and I don't particularly enjoy listening to that either. But still, I wonder if just once we could walk through a store without someone turning to stare or snicker. Yes, I know he is making that noise, and yes I know he is trying to bite me. He is frustrated and so am I.

I wish I knew why, but often I don't and it breaks my heart. He could be anything from hungry to tired, or he could just plain not like the way YOU are behaving. There has even been times he has been sick, has had strep throat. But I didn't know. He could not tell me.  His basic level of communication does not include. I don't like that. Please stop it, or I don't feel good, my stomach hurts. So we do a lot of guessing. The number one saying in my house is "tell me" or "show me". or "what do you want?" It is a constant guessing game. Children with Autism are very visual, and he is often able to bring me (this is called leading) to what he wants.  But when it comes down to it, often I just don't know. I cannot crack his secret code.

So next time you see a child acting out in public, maybe you will remember this and think, wow, maybe he just needs to take a break.